Friday, February 15, 2008

Birthing the Next Generation... for our mothers.

In light of a thread that I have been reading recently, I decided to write about this. It has been in the back of my mind for quite some time now. I feel as though this was my sign to finally write about it..

I find it really sad that our generation of women feel it is necessary to keep their mothers away from their birth in order for it to remain peaceful. Our mothers went through so much when they had us, during the 60s, 70s, and even into the 80s... most never had trust in their bodies and babies, and many had their babies ripped out of them in whatever way the doc seen fit. Many were drugged, belittled, strapped down, and scarred on the inside and out. I totally understand why many of these women fear pregnancy, labor, and birth.... and back then they didn't have the internet to help them find alternatives for their next children. And I also understand why many women these days do not want their mothers at their births...

When I had my daughter, I was not "informed" like I am now. I *knew* instinctively that I wanted no pain meds, and wanted a natural birth. But the hospital was the only place to have a baby, in my realm of experience. I invited my mom there. I knew she would be nervous, and everything, but I needed her and I sensed she needed to be there with me. It didn't go so well, at the hospital, to say the least. It was very traumatizing for all that were involved.

As I came out of my ignorance, and started learning, I felt like I needed to share all of this with my mom. As we talked about the different aspects I was studying at the time, she really opened up about her births with us 4 children (I was present for my youngest brother's birth) and we have healed in so many ways together. She balked at the idea of a homebirth at first, but her questions and concerns made my delve deeper into homebirth vs hospital birth (and even into UC) and made me question things I had not thought of before. Sometimes I would become angry at her questions... I get defensive very easily sometimes, especially when my instincts are telling me something is *right* (for lack of a better word) but I can't quite put it into words *why*. But in the end, her questions, honesty, and eventual trust in me (regarding my birth decisions and my body) has given me strength, confidence, and a support that I could not have found anywhere else.

I truly hope someday my daughter(s) will include me in her birth. Not because she feels she *has* to, but because she will feel as *I* do...Our mothers were meant to be with us when we birth the next generation. Doctors, our technology-obsessed culture, etc. took that away from our mothers and even our grandmothers in many instances. Women now hire doulas, mostly because they feel they have to. They don't have their mothers' wisdom to count on... and they have to fight through the hospital birth just so they and their babies can come through it whole. Anyways, I'm rambling now. Sometimes I just get sad for our moms. I know some are completely close-minded about things, but I wonder if more of us took the time to talk to our mothers about everything, that we might discover how truly wonderful it is to have our moms on "our side" so-to-speak.